Rogue Cows

Today was a good day.

Anytime I say those words, I fondly think of Ice Cube…Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K…. 
I got to say it was a good day….Perhaps I should alter that to say Today I didn’t even have to use my rifle to shoot a mountain lion…but that doesn’t quite work and I digress…

My 4 year old and 6 year old were at their summer-camp-school-daycare-deal so I can actually get work done. My littlest was home with me in a chipper and jovial mood. He didn’t hit me with a toy because he wanted to see what I’d do or throw a major tantrum over a banana, so that’s good. He was all about the books- mainly ones with animals so he could name the ones he knows and loves- chickens (to which he follows up with “EGG!”), sheep (which he calls “baaaaa”), dog, cats, cows (unconditionally followed with a “moooo!” and a jaunt to the window to point them out across the street, or in the pasture behind our house, or really anywhere from any window there is bound to be a cow in sight).

Speaking of cows! There was a major traffic jam in front of the house today. Not from a 2 car motorist accident, not from too many people coming home from work at the same time, not from a live grenade on the side of the freeway (yes, that happened on the 5 when we lived in Orange County). No, it was due to 4 rogue cows.

The cows congregate in the stream that runs by our house and that stream flows further down through their ranch land across the street- to drink, to bathe, to gossip by the water cooler, etc. They apparently found the pasture greener on the other side of the fence and made a run (a trot?) for it. Then, wouldn’t you know, we have 4 cows cruising down the highway stopping traffic and giving the tourists (and newbie country girls like myself) something to talk about. I called up the ranch owner and let him know that he had a couple wandering cows and he said he’d be right there.

In the meantime, traffic was backing up and J (the man whose horses are in our pasture) happened to drive by. He’s a Man Who Knows What To Do type guy, so he herded the cows up the highway and grabbed a tool from his truck to unhook the barbed wire and get the cows back into the pasture. Then, a Man Who Doesn’t Know What to Do But Thinks He Does, got out of his car and was “shooing” the cows and basically cornering them. J, The Man Who Knows What To Do, hollered at him to stop. He didn’t and the cows went apeshit. They panicked and jumped through the barbed wire.  The first cow got caught up in the wire, screamed (how else to explain the sound?) and struggled. It was terrible. Thankfully, the cow broke free and ran into the pasture. The other 3 cows followed the leader and charged through the barbed wire, but somehow made it through unscathed.

J got back in his truck and without an under-his-breath mutter of “That dumb-ass should have stayed in his goddamn truck” (which is what I would have said had I been him), drove away and politely thanked me, for doing basically nothing but standing there (which was the best course of action now that I think about it).

One can laugh at what goes for drama and excitement in my podunk town, but I’d take a couple havoc-wrecking cows over a drive-by any day, thank you very much.

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